Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Judgement time

Why do we judge ourselves so harshly? I, for one, am so guilty of this. Being a girl that struggles with filtering what I say, I am CONSTANTLY replaying in my mind everything I say in any given situation over and over wondering if it was OK and hoping every one's OK with it. I am what you call a "yes" person. I like making people happy. I like cooking for people, helping with their homes, entertaining them, all of it. My very favorite thing is making people laugh. Who doesn't love to laugh? But in order to do that, you have to be willing to say what people are thinking, but may not be willing to say out loud. When someone actually does say those things, there's usually laughter, right? But then there's the times when it's just to much and that's what I'm left with. The self doubt, paranoia, and second guessing that comes with putting it all out there. The thing that bothers me the most is how much of what I say probably isn't pleasing to God. He's the ultimate judge and I want to be Christlike while still entertaining my friends and family. What a fine line to walk! So, as we all do, I struggle each day with my sinful self and try to be me while striving to be like Him. Will I ever not fall asleep at night playing back the soundtrack from my day in my mind? Who knows. All I know is this is how I've always been. What you see is what you get with me and it's hard to turn that off...even when I sometimes know I should.

1 comment:

Angela said...

The "what you see is what you" about you is what I love the most! Don't beat yourself up, so much...God ultimately knows your heart.